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A messsage to Melissa [Nov. 6th, 2005|02:42 am]
Since we are doing the livejournal gig...
Threatening a lawsuit are we. You were the one that started yelling. Still not afraid of you or your lawyers. I didn't do anything. In fact, I protected you. As far as the tough girl thing goes, YOU STARTED YELLING AT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR WITH WITNESSES. YOU GRABBED ME IN FRONT OF WITNESSES WHO HAPPEN TO BE MY FRIENDS. I kept you from getting your ass kicked. Regardless of what a psycho you are, no one deserves to get beaten as badly as you would have had I not begged the girls to leave you alone. I was dancing and getting a beer. Both, completely harmless and keeping my cool. You are the one that lost it. You should consider therapy. If you decide to post this on your livejournal, I got a message for all your little friends.
Post that.
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oh just lessons I have learned [Oct. 4th, 2005|02:44 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]

Everyone likes to post these fuck offs to everyone. I am going to write about a. A thank you letter to my truest of friends. and b. How to fuck up and still be a good person.

So let's begin. To my dearest friends. You know who you are, cause I have told you at some point or another. Thank you for being there when you could, regardless of circumstances. I appreciate everything you have done for me. A typical saying is you reap what you sow and that is what you will get from me. I refuse to stray from that. True friends risk friendships for friendships. And your loyalty and good deeds are not forgotten and appreciated whether it was defending me or just plain being there. You all know who you are. And I will fight tooth and nail to do the same for you.

Now, I could be immature and send off a big fuck you to those that did not prove to be a good friend, or to those that have crossed me, but I won’t. Simply because those that weren’t just don’t deserve my friendship, they don’t necessarily deserve a big fuck you. ESPECIALLY SINCE I WAS THE ONE WHO DID A BAD THING. They are people, and people fuck up and do terrible things to eachother. Myself, having fucked up enough know that. I feel that I don’t have any right to do that. We all have done bad things. No one should ask for forgiveness but it doesn’t mean that those that have fucked up should take a selfish turn and draw invisible lines in the sand.

A lot of things have happened between me and mine in the last year. This is not to say that I haven't been a source for shaking shit up. I am ok with that. FURTHER, So are my friends. And I don't take the word friend lightly. Since I am experienced in shaking shit up, and in having my heart broken by so called friends and facing dissapointment from friends (all is forgiven), I feel that I might have to some advice to offer others who choose to take the shaking shit up route.

Let's begin by defining a few terms so we all are on the same page:

Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia describes the anti-hero as:

In literature and film, an anti-hero is a central or supporting character that has some of the personality flaws traditionally assigned to villains or un-heroic people, but nonetheless also has enough heroic qualities, intentions, or type of strength to gain the sympathy of readers or viewers. Anti-heroes can be awkward, obnoxious, passive, pitiful, obtuse, or even normal; but they are always, in some fundamental way, flawed, unqualified, or failed heroes. When the anti-hero is a central character in a work of fiction the work will frequently deal with the effect their flawed character has on the other people they meet. Additionally the work may depict how their character alters over time, either leading to just punishment, un-heroic success or redemption.

with that said, Here is the definition of a villain.

There are many villain stereotypes. In the era before sound in motion pictures villains had to appear very "visually" sinister, and thus many villain stereotypes were born. The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters Boris Badenov, Natasha Fatale, and Snidely Whiplash, as well as the Hanna-Barbera character Dick Dastardly, are well known parodies of this kind of character archetype.
Wikipedia goes on to describe another type of villain:
This exposition, of course, is a fairly transparent plot device. There is an opposing stereotype of the beautiful villain who looks like a hero, but his/her personality and attitudes betray a diabolical nature.

Now, Let's define VICTIM Which dictionary.com kindly provided us a nice definition.

A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of. or:
One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance

Now that we have observed some important definitions, let's move to the situation at hand.

The way I will approach the situation is through my personal achievements if you can call them that. Let’s begin with the anti hero. How to avoid being a villain and to be an anti hero.

Step one: If you do something wrong, admit that you have done something wrong.
Everyone messes up. The way to continue fucking up is to lie or hide.

Step two: Don’t put your mistakes on someone else.
This can be described two ways.
a.)Take responsibility for your actions, don’t try to say that someone else made you do it. A good way to measure whether or not it was YOUR action or someone else’s is to ask yourself this question: Was there a gun pointed at my head when I took this action? If no, then you had complete control over the situation. If yes, CALL THE POLICE (assuming you are not dead or severely injured. If that is the case, get someone else to call the police.)
b.)Cut out the middle man. Go directly to the person you fucked over. The reason this is a good idea is because you don’t get accused of lying or hiding. Furthermore, later you don’t have people angry at you for putting them in the middle of everything. The less people involved, the better. If there are people involved you get into this mess that is defined psychologically as group think. (see dave’s livejournal for details). Another reason it is bad to get other people involved or to tell someone else before you tell the individuals you fucked over, is that cat is officially out of the bag. Meaning anyone and I mean ANYONE could find out. And finally, it is no one else’s business unless you make it theirs. If others make it their business, that is not your problem and they are simply being melodramatic and stupid. And some will do their best to milk all they can out of a dramatic situation so that they can play the hero, or the victim when it doesn’t involve them. Those individuals are not the type I prefer to have in my life. You however can do as you want, as it is YOUR PROBLEM.

Step three: Don’t play the victim.
You fucked up. This plays in with taking responsibility for your actions. This is merely more respectable. If people are upset with you for fucking up, that is their problem. If the people you fucked over are upset with you, they deserve that and so do you. However, getting upset because people aren’t pitying you for fucking up, is your problem, if I haven’t made anything abundantly clear in this case, I will say this clear. YOU FUCKED UP. Now, I know it is hard to feel deserted. It is truly hearbreaking, and yes your heart is broken, now imagine how many hearts you have broken with your actions. I did. And the situation at hand makes it a lot more clear as to why.
Now let’s consider this: if you wish to confront those who you thought were your friends: buy them a beer and tell them how they hurt you. Don’t post a big fuck you for the public eye.

Step four: Learn from your mistakes
This requires no description. In other words, don’t do it again. See counseling if you have to.

In Conclusion:
Since you fucked, up, there is really no way to be a hero in the situation that you fucked up, however, the anti-hero is the best option destiny has to offer. I sincerely encourage you to push for the anti hero. The villain is simply unattractive. And well, there is really no way to be a victim in a situation that you caused. So…yeah anti-hero here I come. And you should too.

A brilliant individual by the name Andrew Damman once said: “You aren’t a bad person, you just did a bad thing.” Good people fuck up. They just do the right thing afterwards. That is the defining line.

Though I am not an advocate of existentialism, Sartre once said, “Man is nothing but what he makes of himself.” I sincerely encourage you to do the right thing in all your fucked up situations.

This is not to say that I have taken the high road or that I am taking the high road. I have been in similar situations, and this is how things of this sort are handled quickly and painlessly as possible. I have fucked up and a lot at that. No one including myself can deny this. I however have tried to do the right thing as best as I could.

I hope you do the right thing.

I now stand open for cross examination and points of clarification.
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one more thing [Aug. 12th, 2005|08:46 pm]
[mood |angryangry]
[music |suicide]

I fucking hate people who specify the amount of ice they prefer in their soda!!!
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not really sure [Aug. 12th, 2005|08:02 pm]
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |suicide]

I am exhausted. No...really fucking exhausted. Thank god none of my livejournal friends are Kharma regulars. I hate shakes. I hate tip jars. I hate coffee. I hate fake smiles. I hate this place. I hate Denton. I like beer. I like wine. I love whiskey. I hate whiskey. I hate opportunist fucks. I hate weasels. I hate mice. I love gerbils. I hate babies. I love Yo La Tengo. I hate feeling old. I hate arthritis. I hate my hips. I love pulling a really good shot of espresso. I love making a damn fine cappuccino. I hate it when that damn fine cappuccino is too good for the customer. I hate hearing the sound of a dime or a penny clanking glass. I hate the internet. I like my journal. I prefer the antihero. I hate self-proclaimed victims. I hate this guy that just walked in the door. I love comics. I love the sound of bloxeed being played. I hate iced nirvanas. I hate the guy that makes me put out my cigarette for a glass of water. Some guy called me a bitch today. He almost got castrated.
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(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2005|12:21 am]
little dick, little little dick
literally that is
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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2005|01:22 am]
melissa is totally hot chick. magnetic fields fucking rock.
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new orleans [Feb. 10th, 2005|05:46 pm]
Two days in New Orleans

First, Dead things toll.
Ali: 14

*=not awesome

Things we said we would do and did:

***Walk out of a bar with our beer
***Go into a bar at six a. m. and order a beer
***Boiled Crawfish
***One Eyed Jacks
***Bloody Marys (almost tougher than candace's didn't quite knock me on my ass like hers did.
*Hurricanes (seven dollas) but still knocked me on my ass
Louisiana Beers not as good as shiner
***The Columns
***Bread Pudding
***Go Go Dancers (at the Circle Bar)
*Circle Bar (eight dollars for a double beam and coke in a single glass)

all kinds of AWESOME
I just wanna say

Things we didn't expect:

*Two babies almost dying
Fights...oh the fights
**A girl pissing in the men's room at Mc Donalds surrounded by men taking photographs
*A woman getting yelled at and yanked by the arm by her agressively drunk husband for showing her tits. That one was more freaky, creepy and scary that it sounds. I've seen shit like that before but it was pretty like whoa
***Marisa Tomei
***Gene Simmons
***Matt the Fucker who just happened to be there.
*Monesha or however you spell her name and her driving (Not to mention her two side kicks tweedle dee and dumber and their lewd comments and bumps)
*MINORS MINORS EVERYWHERE (I felt old in New Orleans)
***Dollar Pabst in N. O. No my friends, it's not just in Denton
***Rock N Roll High school playing on the big screen at One Eyed Jacks
**A sexy yet sleezy motherfucking DJ
***Amanda hanging with me drinking (much much props!!!) She was like a fucking seasoned drinker, I was so proud. Hooray for us Irish girls!!
**Four Gorgeous girls serenading Steve on the speakerphone to a cover of Hit me baby one more time.
***a very cute little baby dancing to the marching band in his stroller covered with beads

Bonica and Joy were awesome! We had so much fun
and the good outweighed the bad.
I fucking fell in love with New Orleans, And i am going back goddamnit!
If I can remember more at some point, Oh i will post it you can be sure of it
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I will find my gerbil [Dec. 30th, 2004|05:18 pm]
So ok my gerbils got out once before, I caught one. Mothra. Splinter and DJ ended up dying in my closet. Splinter, Dinosaur Junior, and Godzilla, Rest in peace my friends. Godzilla was a black gerbil, Little did I know black gerbils are genetically weak. Godzilla was the first to go. Mothra has not only been a resilient bastard (outliving three gerbils) but a real shithead for a gerbil. I loved him very much.

Mothra's Last Night.
It was cold, very cold when the evil kitten Crookshanks decided to enter his quarters. Mothra was quiet and calm. Until crookshanks Magically opened his cage and Chased him through the Great Queen's bedroom. The Great Queen Returned home in time to find Mothra In the mouth of the Fattest goddamn cat in the land. We call her Fatty. Crookshanks, the evil kitten had retrieved Mothra as a peace offering between he and Fatty. From this, they planned an evil conspiracy to break all of the Queen's wine glasses and chew all of her gaming controllers, and to sit on top of her comic collection folding and bending them at will. The Queen didn't like this much and usually kept the door to her bedroom closed, as she keeps all things sacred there, including Mothra the resilient. Crookshanks used magic to sneak into the Queen's bedroom for this mission. He and Fatty had been planning this for quite some time. Break the loopy gerbil paths that the Queen had so lovingly put in the cages for Mothra, and return him to fatty. Crookshanks had more experience in dexterity and strength and grappled mothra into his mouth. When the Queen returned home, she found Mothra still alive and backed into a corner by Fatty and Crooskhanks. The queen rushed to Mothra's rescue and Placed him back into his home. Mothra seemed like he was going to pull through, he had survived much worse than this. The Queen petted and nursed Mothra until it was time for bed. She could tell he seemed to be doing better, but the next morning, she awoke to find a very dead Mothra, and was forced to bury him. On his tombstone it read. Mothra the resilient, the best goddamn gerbil this world has known. The Queen was sad Putting Mothra in his resting place, but knew had she not rescued him he would have died in fear. Instead he had a peaceful death in his home.

So tonight Raise your glasses to my resilient bastard of a gerbil. Mothra, I'm drinking to you tonight. Rest in peace little buddy.

p. s.
I will find my gerbil
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(no subject) [Aug. 22nd, 2004|02:21 pm]
i guess i just don't know what the hell is going on
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(no subject) [Aug. 14th, 2004|01:26 am]
everything is working according to planned
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(no subject) [Aug. 12th, 2004|05:21 pm]
i guess things are looking up. Things are finally starting to make sense again. That is about all i can ask for i suppose
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(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2004|05:29 pm]
I got a B!!!!!
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(no subject) [Aug. 4th, 2004|11:10 am]
don't fucking do it
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finals [Aug. 3rd, 2001|11:18 pm]
are almost over!!!!!
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i had... [Jul. 27th, 2001|04:22 pm]
I had a good morning .
I had a good night.
I had a good class.
I think things are going well.
I think things are finally gonna look up.
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my job sucks [Jul. 26th, 2001|09:20 pm]
but this morning ruled!!!
I hope chris is ok. I think he will be. I am there for him and what else can you ask for.
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whoa [Jul. 25th, 2001|06:20 pm]
it all started...what the fuck ever it was worth it. It is worth it. All is well and it better fucking work this time. It will...if not it was worth it.
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jaeger [Jul. 18th, 2001|02:57 am]
tonight i love myself...i could hate myself tomorrow...
rum to whiskey

no one here wants to fight me like you do
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(no subject) [Jul. 12th, 2001|07:43 pm]
well here this one goes. Let's see if i can keep up i guess i have to change my interests now
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