|oh just lessons I have learned
||[Oct. 4th, 2005|02:44 pm]
Everyone likes to post these fuck offs to everyone. I am going to write about a. A thank you letter to my truest of friends. and b. How to fuck up and still be a good person.
So let's begin. To my dearest friends. You know who you are, cause I have told you at some point or another. Thank you for being there when you could, regardless of circumstances. I appreciate everything you have done for me. A typical saying is you reap what you sow and that is what you will get from me. I refuse to stray from that. True friends risk friendships for friendships. And your loyalty and good deeds are not forgotten and appreciated whether it was defending me or just plain being there. You all know who you are. And I will fight tooth and nail to do the same for you.
Now, I could be immature and send off a big fuck you to those that did not prove to be a good friend, or to those that have crossed me, but I won’t. Simply because those that weren’t just don’t deserve my friendship, they don’t necessarily deserve a big fuck you. ESPECIALLY SINCE I WAS THE ONE WHO DID A BAD THING. They are people, and people fuck up and do terrible things to eachother. Myself, having fucked up enough know that. I feel that I don’t have any right to do that. We all have done bad things. No one should ask for forgiveness but it doesn’t mean that those that have fucked up should take a selfish turn and draw invisible lines in the sand.
A lot of things have happened between me and mine in the last year. This is not to say that I haven't been a source for shaking shit up. I am ok with that. FURTHER, So are my friends. And I don't take the word friend lightly. Since I am experienced in shaking shit up, and in having my heart broken by so called friends and facing dissapointment from friends (all is forgiven), I feel that I might have to some advice to offer others who choose to take the shaking shit up route.
Let's begin by defining a few terms so we all are on the same page:
Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia describes the anti-hero as:
In literature and film, an anti-hero is a central or supporting character that has some of the personality flaws traditionally assigned to villains or un-heroic people, but nonetheless also has enough heroic qualities, intentions, or type of strength to gain the sympathy of readers or viewers. Anti-heroes can be awkward, obnoxious, passive, pitiful, obtuse, or even normal; but they are always, in some fundamental way, flawed, unqualified, or failed heroes. When the anti-hero is a central character in a work of fiction the work will frequently deal with the effect their flawed character has on the other people they meet. Additionally the work may depict how their character alters over time, either leading to just punishment, un-heroic success or redemption.
with that said, Here is the definition of a villain.
There are many villain stereotypes. In the era before sound in motion pictures villains had to appear very "visually" sinister, and thus many villain stereotypes were born. The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters Boris Badenov, Natasha Fatale, and Snidely Whiplash, as well as the Hanna-Barbera character Dick Dastardly, are well known parodies of this kind of character archetype.
Wikipedia goes on to describe another type of villain:
This exposition, of course, is a fairly transparent plot device. There is an opposing stereotype of the beautiful villain who looks like a hero, but his/her personality and attitudes betray a diabolical nature.
Now, Let's define VICTIM Which dictionary.com kindly provided us a nice definition.
A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of. or:
One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance
Now that we have observed some important definitions, let's move to the situation at hand.
The way I will approach the situation is through my personal achievements if you can call them that. Let’s begin with the anti hero. How to avoid being a villain and to be an anti hero.
Step one: If you do something wrong, admit that you have done something wrong.
Everyone messes up. The way to continue fucking up is to lie or hide.
Step two: Don’t put your mistakes on someone else.
This can be described two ways.
a.)Take responsibility for your actions, don’t try to say that someone else made you do it. A good way to measure whether or not it was YOUR action or someone else’s is to ask yourself this question: Was there a gun pointed at my head when I took this action? If no, then you had complete control over the situation. If yes, CALL THE POLICE (assuming you are not dead or severely injured. If that is the case, get someone else to call the police.)
b.)Cut out the middle man. Go directly to the person you fucked over. The reason this is a good idea is because you don’t get accused of lying or hiding. Furthermore, later you don’t have people angry at you for putting them in the middle of everything. The less people involved, the better. If there are people involved you get into this mess that is defined psychologically as group think. (see dave’s livejournal for details). Another reason it is bad to get other people involved or to tell someone else before you tell the individuals you fucked over, is that cat is officially out of the bag. Meaning anyone and I mean ANYONE could find out. And finally, it is no one else’s business unless you make it theirs. If others make it their business, that is not your problem and they are simply being melodramatic and stupid. And some will do their best to milk all they can out of a dramatic situation so that they can play the hero, or the victim when it doesn’t involve them. Those individuals are not the type I prefer to have in my life. You however can do as you want, as it is YOUR PROBLEM.
Step three: Don’t play the victim.
You fucked up. This plays in with taking responsibility for your actions. This is merely more respectable. If people are upset with you for fucking up, that is their problem. If the people you fucked over are upset with you, they deserve that and so do you. However, getting upset because people aren’t pitying you for fucking up, is your problem, if I haven’t made anything abundantly clear in this case, I will say this clear. YOU FUCKED UP. Now, I know it is hard to feel deserted. It is truly hearbreaking, and yes your heart is broken, now imagine how many hearts you have broken with your actions. I did. And the situation at hand makes it a lot more clear as to why.
Now let’s consider this: if you wish to confront those who you thought were your friends: buy them a beer and tell them how they hurt you. Don’t post a big fuck you for the public eye.
Step four: Learn from your mistakes
This requires no description. In other words, don’t do it again. See counseling if you have to.
Since you fucked, up, there is really no way to be a hero in the situation that you fucked up, however, the anti-hero is the best option destiny has to offer. I sincerely encourage you to push for the anti hero. The villain is simply unattractive. And well, there is really no way to be a victim in a situation that you caused. So…yeah anti-hero here I come. And you should too.
A brilliant individual by the name Andrew Damman once said: “You aren’t a bad person, you just did a bad thing.” Good people fuck up. They just do the right thing afterwards. That is the defining line.
Though I am not an advocate of existentialism, Sartre once said, “Man is nothing but what he makes of himself.” I sincerely encourage you to do the right thing in all your fucked up situations.
This is not to say that I have taken the high road or that I am taking the high road. I have been in similar situations, and this is how things of this sort are handled quickly and painlessly as possible. I have fucked up and a lot at that. No one including myself can deny this. I however have tried to do the right thing as best as I could.
I hope you do the right thing.
I now stand open for cross examination and points of clarification.